Comments on: I am a christian and I don’t believe in divorce but my husband is starting to?

By: Art M

Art M — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

The "christian" angle is messing with your mind and confusing you.

Take that out of the equation, then see if it makes any more sense.

Then figure out what you want to do.

Whatever is going on, it sounds like he is unhappy and might need psychological help. Depression, stress, or illness could cause all of this.

By: Mrs. h2

Mrs. h2 — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

I would go straight to church and find the root of the problem counsel with pastor to save this kids involved also I notice when we treat our husbands like a king they will treat you like a queen nothing is one sided and trust me when I was single I had a great body,money and hard to find anyone! I found creeps playa boys! Get real don’t throw yourself into these guys all they will want is one thing stay married for goodness sake!

By: Wisen Smart

Wisen Smart — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

I really do not see what Christianity has to do with your marital problem. Being a Christian is simply trying to follow Jesus Christ’s footsteps by loving one another, even your enemy, repent of our sins (divorce is not a sin) and worship the only true God, our Lord.

Seems he wants out of the marriage, but please leave religion out of it. You said it yourself, you would have walked away without looking back, then do it, that is what you need to do. God wants you happy and living a truthful life, not a life of false pretenses when the love is just not there.

By: aldeanangel34

aldeanangel34 — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Trust me, I speak from my situation. Back seven years ago, my
(now) ex-husband and I, didn’t believe in divorce either, BUT things
happened and I started questioning what I TRULY believed. We
were mizerable for sooooo long because there was still love there
& because we both didn’t believe in divorce. Well, I really thought
about it for quite sometime before I made the decision to get
a divorce. We are both christians too, BUT you only get one
life to live AND to be happy as well. Now, I’ve been divorced about
eight months and we are both semi-friends. It wasn’t ugly at all, BUT
above all else, try and work it out. We attempted and couldn’t.

By: mouser

mouser — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Um, kissing a MEAN hubby’s butt will not make him treat you like a queen.

Some men, often christian men, feel entitled. The bible says they are head of the house and some use that to expect they deserve everything they want because they are men.

If he isn’t ‘loving you like God loves the church…’ is he REALLY christian?

Not by any means saying ALL men, just those who are abusive and entitled.

By: mickibeth22

mickibeth22 — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

sometimes its hard to tell good from bad even as a christian.we arent perfect.Try christian councelling both or just you,either way you tryed. if i dosent change just maybe God has bigger and better plans for you besides confusion and unhappiness. Good Luck.

By: blues breaker

blues breaker — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

i think being a christian should have nothing to do with this. do you really think god wants you to be treated badly and disrespected? i believe in god too but i don’t use it as a crutch. and according to all the bible quotes i’ve heard, a man is supposed to be respectful and honor his wife. your husband isn’t doing that. if he won’t seek professional help, get on with your life.

By: sweet wife 2

sweet wife 2 — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Because your a christian it means you may feel you will need to answer to God and because there are kids you need to be sure you can look them in the eye and say mommy tried everything. I think its too soon and you still have options to help you. Go see a counslor for you, go see your pastor with your husband for couples counsling or if your church has a person who does this – some times your work will have free outside cousling. Take some classes, marriage builders, marriage encounters, read some books, do your homework.

You cant change him – but you may influence him by who you are and what you are doing. Show him this is important to you – do your part are there any pet pevieves he hates about you – can you fix it – then do it and maybe he will feel bad and start fixing himself too. Fix yourself where you can – not only for him but for you – you will feel better if you look better and get out and feel better. See a doctor – he may be depressed – drugs will help with that but expect sex life to drop off even more as most anti depressants kill the sex drive. Give it some time and love with patience and respect. Stay until you know you cant or its clear you must go and then prepare well to make best for self and kids. Most men dont really belive their wives will leave and are shocked when they do even though the wife may have written it on the wall for them a hundred times. Give him the time and knowlege that you really did try and spell it out and try everything. every marriage has bad bumps so make sure this is not just a bad bump that can be worked through or worked out – you have to know with out a shadow of doubt that it is this bad now and forever and getting worse to leave. He says he loves you and want you to stay – so stay and work it hard till you know otherwise then.

Find out your love language and his in an easy to read book and questioner " Five languages of Love by Gary Chapman and try to meet his and give him a chance to meet yours – he need only read your top one or two chapters – not whole book. he just needs to know how to meet your top needs., Read Love and Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs – And start Respecting your husband the way he needs – most men will respond well to honest and sincer respect and kindness and care. And if all that fails – Read too good to leave too bad to stay by mira kirshenbaum for an objective case by case status and make your choice knowing where you really now stand after all this. tough that all the work will fall on you – at least at first but some one has to do it or it will just get worse, And if at any time it becomes physical or dangerous – leave no matter what you belive or others say. Safety first for you and the kids. Good luck and God bless you.

By: Smiley

Smiley — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

The next time you find a religion, find a divorce-friendly one.

Seriously the Christian thing is really throwing you. You are more concerned about being the good Christian than the happy spouse. It sounds like it’s your own issue and hangup.

It sounds like your husband may just not give a flip. It might be directed at you, but it might indirect with something else going on in life. He might be stressed, might be having a mid-life crisis, he might have all kinds of issues that might be impacting his behavior and you are just the brunt of his anger. You really did not go into details what disrespecting meant.

Perhaps there is a happy middle. Perhaps you should distance yourself from him to see if anything changes, or notices your being distant. Stop catering to him, and force him to come to the plate.

If you guys have communication issues, you might need an outside party, pick you poison from marriage counselor to clergy. They can’t fix all issues, but they can sometimes bring light where there is darkness and confusion, typically centered around how you two communicate. I am not sure if the disrespect issue is stemming from this or not, so I am grabbing.

Good Luck!

By: strong mocha

strong mocha — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

I believe that one never understands what someone else is going through unless they have experienced it too. So when he disrespects you, disrespect him. treats you bad, treat him worse. Prior to this though, make sure you have adequate cash should he decide to do other stuff.