Hi everyone I am writing a research paper on the Christian faith and how this specific religion influences whom they form personal relationships with. As you all know I am Agnostic and therefore do not share the same beliefs for example with people of the Christian faith, however my empathy and understanding for their religious beliefs alloow me to write such an unbias paper.
For this paper I am not looking for the people that label themselves "Christian" because their parents have a bible in their house or they used to go to bible study back in junior high, I am looking for the Christians that live their life according to their religion. I hope to find a couple of you at least and if you wouldn’t mind answering a couple questions to the degree that you feel most comfortable I would greatly appreciate it!
How does being a devoted Christian influence your personal relationships, including friendships and marriage/dating? Do you find yourself using your religious beliefs as a judging criteria for people that you might pursue a friend/relationship with? Have you been or are you encouraged by anyone who share the same religious beliefs as you to favor the pursuit of relationships with only other Christians? Do you ever find yourself "discriminating" against people with different beliefs than yourself?
Please rememeber that I am writing a research paper on my findings and I am totally unbiased to your thoughts. Your responses will remain anonymous and I would really appreciate your honesty, please don’t be afraid of offending anyone as these are to be your true beliefs. I hope these questions are not too personal for you but they get into the heart of my quest. Thank you so much!
If you do not feel comfortable posting your answers please feel free to email them to me at : summerlynn18@yahoo.com
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
*correction for the petty error…..i am writing a "paper" that is formed around opinions of the subjects that report their religious values….not a research paper, i made a mistake as most humans do and confused the wording, as i am writing a research paper as well.
*also yes i do find myself able to write with a unbias view when writing a reseach paper. thanks to hard work and motivation I am able to learn the distinction between research AND opinion pieces effectively and successfully as I am a student of higher learning and take pride in these skills.
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July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
wow yeah really unbiased
not impressed
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Baybee, that’s too much info for little Lamar’s brain.
You could have posted each quesiton seperately.
Research PAPER!?!?!?! Baybee how you gonna use our answers as REFERENCE sources. Most likely our answers or even your question might get deleted and when your professor comes to find the source – IT"S GONE!
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
all i can say is that if i was to get the girl in your pic i would be on my knees saying (oh god thank you)
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
I behaved like A dink. I got saved. Jesus is part of me so everything is different now. Better. Now I know better than to behave like a dink.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
I’m a hard core fundie. And a scientist/engineer/computer geek. Former college professor of engineering.
As a fundie christian, I have as many non-christian friends as I do christian. My non-christian friends…I do not preach to them, and they don’t preach to me. They know where I stand, I know where they stand. IF either side wants to talk, we talk. Usually, we leave the religion on the side. My LIFE and how I live it is the witness to them.
As for my wife, my life-mate of 28 years and counting…were she to die, I would not necessarily require my next spouse to be a christian. It would help, but not be a requirement.
Look at Schwarzenegger (republican governor of CA) married to a staunch democrat Kennedy descendant!!!
Edit: It’s been a day, how’s the paper going?
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Well I’m Catholic now, I was a Protestant, so I’ll tell you about me.
As Protestant teenager I attended ‘youth group’ every Wednesday night. I’ve always been a practicing Christian, I prayed regularly and read my Bible often. As a Protestant I would only date Christian girls. It seemed wrong to not have such an important relationship agree on the most important thing in the world. I did not care about denomination, however, just Christian in general.
I became Catholic at the age of 19. Now I only date practicing Catholic girls (which is a lot harder to do, LoL, but nothing is more attractive than a girl in a veil at Mass). I’m entering ‘marriable years’ in my family so it’s even more important to have a girlfriend/wife who is fully Catholic. I have a lot of weird Catholic things I do around my house, and want to teach my children, so it’s better to have a Catholic wife who understands, appreciates, and also wants to pass on these traditions.
Also, there are certain aspects of Christian relationships that don’t work well with non-believers. For example, no sex before marriage is an impossible rule for some. For us it’s just a way of life. That could be a deal breaker to some people. Also, in Catholicism, you can’t use artifical contraception even after your married. So it takes a lot of understanding and communication in regards to helping your wife chart her cycles and planning for children. As a Catholic I have to promise to do all I can to raise my children Catholic (and I want the to be Catholic, I love my religion). That becomes automatically harder with a non-Catholic spouse as children are asking why mommy doesn’t come to Mass or recieve Communion.
So my religion is the most deciding factor in any romantic relationship.
In friendships? Eh, I have three really good friends. One is Catholic, one is a Protestant, and one is…well, agnostic I guess. I don’t really care in friendship as long as they don’t make fun of my beliefs.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Being a Christian you need friends that share the same faith to support you and help you grow as a Christian. However, not all my friends are Christians and we enjoy spending time together. Having Christians friends is a must, but I don’t feel all the relationships I have need to be with Christians. As for marriage I would not marry someone that is not a Christian because their will never be any peace in the marriage. My faith is very strong and not something I can compromise on. I don’t really judge people based on my faith. I try to find people with common interest and spend time with them. No one has every told me to limit friendship based on faith, but my pastor will not marry a Church member to a non-Christian. I don’t think I discriminate based on beliefs. I work and volunteer with people of very different back grounds and faiths. I make no secret of my faith, but don’t attempt to convert them. I don’t make Friends with the purpose of converting, but I am mindful that anything I do will reflect on the God I serve.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Hey Summer I’ll be happy to answer your questions for you paper.
Being a devoted Christian definately does influence my personal relationships. My husband and I are devoted to eachother and met through special circumstances. We pray every night before we go to bed. I think it influences my friendships in a positive way because I’m a bit more upbeat because the weight of the world is not on my shoulders. I’m in this world but not of it! I don’t judge anybody. In fact I have a number of friends who are not devout Christians or Christians at all. I just keep believing that someday they will see what I have and really want it for them. I have spoken to them about Christ but they refused to accept Him. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t be there for them and hang out with them. They respect who I am and what I stand for so when we hang out they don’t drink around me or cuss. But we have a good time none the less. In a discussion once with an older person of the same belief, they tried to tell me that I should only interact with people of the same belief. However, I quickly reminded them that we are here to reach those who don’t believe. We are supposed to interact with others who don’t believe and show ourselves to be examples of Christ. As far as the last question is concerned, no I don’t find myself to be discriminating to others with different beliefs. However, if someone attacks me and my beliefs I do tend to get defensive. I think that if I respect you for who you are then there’s no need to disrespect me and who I am or what I believe.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Big question, I’ll try to hit as much as I can. I am a Christian, and yes, that does affect choices for marriage for sure. In a marriage, ideally you would want to agree with your spouse and that requires the same beliefs. No one will agree 100%, but it’s better than completely opposite viewpoints. I want my spouse to be able to help me through my troubles, so I would need someone who believes the same way I do. Understanding the same principles / laws allows us to find the best solution that fits with how we believe. I would not be able to live with someone who suggested that I compromise on what I believe to be true.
The same goes for friends. I will be friends with anyone that I click with, but my close friends are Christians. Like in a marriage, your close friends are the ones you want to go to when you’re having a hard time. You want those friends to give advice that meshes with your beliefs. I have really good friends that I enjoy hanging out with that aren’t Christians, but I put less value on their advice if they offer it. I listen, and appreciate their trying to help, but I have to discern what is true according to my own thoughts.
I think you should be able to flip this question toward yourself. If you were to marry a devoted Christian and when you had a problem they told you to go pray about it, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate that advice. If you don’t believe in God, praying for an answer isn’t going to get you anywhere. We all need our closest friends to be able to give advice that meshes with our own beliefs, or it’s a waste of time to get advice from them.
On the dating question, I don’t date. I don’t believe in giving my heart away to multiple people. I believe in waiting on the Lord to bring someone into my life that will go to my father and ask permission to court me with the intention toward marriage. A relationship that is based on character and really getting to know one another deeply and intentionally. The relationship isn’t based on physical anything, and most of us at my church have chosen to save our first kiss for the alter on our wedding day.
The courtship time period is supervised and guided by the parents / pastors . They have made up lists of questions to discuss, important issues to talk over, things that often cause strife within a marriage. The pastors are trying to prepare us and help us to avoid a lot of common problems that show up in marriages. They are giving us a shot at "forever" — The divorce rate is disgusting, and I for one do not want to be a part of that statistic. I want to take any help I can get from the older generations and gobble up any preparation they can give me. I want to get through the big decisions and issues before I say "I do" and hopefully that will lead to a smoother marriage. Learning how to deal with problems with humility and prayer will go a long way.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
My relationship with God comes before my husband and all things in my life. My husband and I apply God’s word to our marriage,with daily prayers and bible study. Like most people I choose friends based on shared interests and most of my friends, but not all are Christian. If I said I didn’t discriminate against someone at one time or another that would be a lie. I’m saved but I’m still human,and I still sin.The only difference between me and someone who doesn’t believe is I have mercy through the shed blood of Jesus.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
It’s not possible to do anything without some kind of bias, whether you are aware of it or not. But being unbiased is a good goal in some cases.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Ok, well, I’ll try to do this the best I can:
First of all, an important distinction for me is that between friendship relationships and marriage, dating relationships.
As far as friendships go, my faith certainly dictates how I treat people, and in a way, who I consider for a "friend" relationship. I believe that the Bible clearly states that God created all people; all are made in His image and thus have an inherent worth. Furthermore, there are multiple instances where Christ commanded His disciples to love others indiscriminately. He also said, "Judge not, that you will be not judged." (Matthew 7:1) Therefore, because I hold to the Christian faith, I believe everyone deserves the same amount of respect and love from me, and when I actually succeed at carrying this out (let’s face it, no one is perfect, but I do try my best), everyone I meet has the potential for friendship. I would even go so far as to say that it BECAUSE of my faith that I do NOT judge others (contrary to popular stereotypes), because if I did not believe that God loves all those who I meet, I would be more inclined to ignore others who do not share my interests or perhaps are very different than me. The Christian’s job as a follower of Christ is to become more like Him in our actions and thoughts or, as the apostle Paul says, we are to "have the mind of Christ." (1 Corinthians 2:16) Thus, because Christ "did not come into the world to condemn the world, but that world through Him might be saved," (John 3:17), and because He loved the world so much, we can justify nothing but the same. I could also point out Jesus’ metaphor about the plank and the spec. All these examples point to the fact that we are sinful beings, and it is above our authority to judge whether a person is worthy of love or friendship, for Christ declares that all are.
That having been said, there is a difference between judging a person and judging an action. Because we, as Christians, have the Holy Spirit and the Scriptures, we have the ability to discern whether an action is right or wrong (for the most part, anyway; it doesn’t always work because we often let our human perceptions and prejudices get in the way). We are supposed to be able to look at someone and say that something they are doing is wrong, without losing ANY love or friendship for that person. Paul, somewhere in the New Testament that I cannot find at the moment, gives instructions as to the restriction that might be placed on a person who lives unrepentant of some sin as far as Church leadership goes, but he makes it very clear that this should be done in love, and that is should NOT effect out personal relationships with that person.
There is only one more condition that I can think of where my faith would influence my personal relationships is in a situation where someone was causing (or, I suppose I should say something more like "influencing") me to sin. Everyone has areas that they struggle with; let’s say, for example, that there is a Christian who used to struggle with drug abuse, but is now clean and trying to stay that way. If he/she were to hang out frequently with people who do drugs, there is a significant danger there. Thus, he/she would and should probably not spend a lot of time with those people. Some people might see that as a lack of love or friendship, but I would submit that it is not. He/she could still have a healthy friendship with such people, just perhaps not as close as others.
As for dating/marriage relationships, however, I think that’s a different issue. I believe that the Bible describes marriage as a very sacred thing; a promise that has dire consequences if broken. I also think that dating should model that, though to a lesser extent. Therefore, I think it is based on more than love, attraction, and/or fuzzy feelings, but a deep compatibility in two people’s thoughts and goals as well. Thus, I most definitely use my faith as criteria in choosing a boyfriend/husband, because if the primary goal of my life is to grow closer to God, and his is something else, then it will be impossible for us to grow closer together, because we are both shaping and directing our lives differently. And frankly, when I get to Heaven, I’d like my man to be there too.
Moving on to another question… yes, I am definitely encouraged by meeting and speaking and having friendships with other Christians. I think that’s kind of a no-brainer. However, this does not cause me to pursue relationships only with other Christians, because the Bible specifically says this is a bad idea. We are supposed to be involved in our community and in the lives of those around us, spreading the hope and love and truth that we have in Christ. Also, to be honest, life gets quite boring that way. One needs to talk to a variety of people, or else you’ll never be able to understand people.
Lastly, I have just a word of advice… before you assume that your questions are unbiased, I would ask you to consider further what stereotypes and prejudices are behind them. It seems to me that you are trying to lead a specific answer; namely, that Christians use their religion to discriminate against people. I realize that a lot of people think that this is how Christians think, and sadly, it is how many think. I’m not trying to say that you are biased in any way, mostly because I don’t know you, but I must say that the way your questions are worded makes it seem like you’ve made up your mind. I’d be more careful with that. Keep in mind that many of these stereotypes (some based in truth, some really not) are not Christianity and they are not from God; they are human error. Christians are not perfect, myself included. In fact, some are flat-out morons sometimes. But people would do well to remember not to judge something, or some One, just because of what some people say about it.
Whew. I guess I didn’t mean for that to be so long-winded, but I hope I answered your questions! I was going to look up more Scripture to back up my claims for you, but I don’t have much time left here… Good luck on your paper and I hope this helped!