Jul
10
I know sex before marriage is out of the question, but where do we draw the line. I’ve been wondering this for a little while and I don’t want to do anything till I know the answer to this question.
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July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
nothing beyond a hug
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do with a sibling.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
heavy kissing or petting or sex
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Sex is off limits. Anything else is fair game; it’s simple!
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
anything that will lead u into sex is too far
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
when i was dating my hubby, i wouldn’t let him touch me in places i liked. especially if i knew it was going to lead in to other things. i.e. my thighs, breasts…etc.
there is a line drawn, it’s just different for everybody.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
It is good for a man not to touch a woman
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
anything involving genitals is sex.
go for it!
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
anything past kissing and hugging that is of a more sexual connotation such as rubbing each other, dry humping, etc.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
If you really want to be pedantic,thinking about it ie. sex .Is as good as doing it when it comes to a sin.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Well, the Bible warns us to stay out of sexual immortality. I would think making out is okay, but nothing further. It’s your call though. I would pray about it to find the true answer.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
holding hands…
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do if your grandmother was in the room.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
that’s up to you to decide. its sort of a personal opinion of what is true, noble, and right yah know?
i personally am saving myself by not dating early on unless i know the guy could be right and i’m hoping to save my first kiss for my husband cuz i think that would make the marriage even more pure and special
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
I’m assuming that you are Christian. I’ve asked myself the same thing many times. I believe that you should look into your own heart to decide this, as there is no right or wrong answer. My personal guideline however is that nothing involving sex organs is acceptable.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
anything that you wouldnt do in front of your parents. imagine, Jesus is right next to you watching the whole time.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
This is SO tough these days. As a Christian, you should remain chaste until you get married. I know a number of young people who have made and maintained that commitment. I urge you and your friends to do your best in relationships to partner only with Christians. God said not to be yoked together with unbelievers. That’a a problem to itself. If you’re both believers and you make that vow, then you have to make an effort to stay out of situations that put you and your hormones in the danger zone. Above all, pray to God to help you maintain your chastity and to avoid temptations. Remember God said He will not let us be tempted beyond what we are able to resist.
God bless you.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
do everything except full on vaginal sex or anal sex. i reckon thats okay.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Just ask yourself: Would you do what you are doing if Jesus was sitting next to you? Would he be pleased or offended?
If you and your partner are Christian, then you have the Holy Spirit in you. Christ lives in you. If it would offend Jesus, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it. e.g. full on making out, pashing, lots of hand motion and grinding then probably not appropriate. Light kissing probably okay as long as it’s not sustained and you are not just doing it to serve yourself.
The question is not what one can get away with, but how can one best serve Christ and love your friend in this situation.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Anything that can invoke feelings of lust (ie sexual desire) is sin.
Remember this: When you instigate sexual desires in another person, it is like lighting a fuse on a bomb. You might be able to put out the fuse, but eventually it will be too short to stop, and it WILL explode.
You don’t know what will light the fuse, and you don’t know how short the fuse is, so you really are playing with dynomite!
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Then don’t do anything. It’s tempting to look for the loopholes and stretch or deny the meaning of words in the bible, but the truth is anything you do to arouse yourself or another is a no-no. That pretty much puts the kabash on a lot of stuff.
I know grown adults who’ve been chaperoned until their wedding day to avoid even the appearance of evil as the bible commands. And I know couples who had to move their wedding day up because the desire to be intimate had become so strong they just couldn’t wait any longer.
Extreme cases. Perhaps. But these are couples who but their God before their own earthly desires. And I’ve witnessed God’s blessing over them and it’s true, He blessed those who love Him.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
ooooo….oooohhhh, how close can I get to HELL, but still go to heaven?
I’m sure once you start down this road, you’ll always find a way to get a little more the next time….etc.
or at least not be able to control yourself
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
I had sex before marriage….and it hurts. Do not get physical. I ended up having sex because i like to kiss "everywhere". Do not do that. Don’t tease them either. They’ll think you’re ready to have sex. Holding hands, kissing, making out and Frenching isn’t bad. the bad thing is when your hands start to grab for the most sexual area…resist from the private sources…that brings so much heat into the moment. Don’t do anything you will regret!!! It will hurt you in the long run!
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
don’t listen to Christian bigotry that demonizes sex. Sex is not evil, it is a very good thing that is necessary for life. Pagans in Rome believed it was a gift from the Gods, and it was a divine practice.
Do what you feel is right. Don’t do something because someone else tells you its "the right thing to do". There is no "too far" in any relationship as long as its what you both want and agree with.
The only thing that is too far is if something is forced upon you, like the believe that you have to wait till marriage. You dont. It does not say that anywhere in the Bible. It was created by Christians because they did not want Pagan belief to be in their pretty white churches. Pagans know sex is divine and a gift from God, it is not evil, do what feels right.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Anything that could cause you to go to far. Anything that makes you lust (even if it is holding hands). Protect yourselves and treat each other with respect and dignity. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want a future mate to have done prior to marraige.
Look up the definition of Chaste.
1 corinthians 6:18 – 19Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
A fairly good book on the subject is "I gave Dating a Chance" by Jeramy Clark, he give clear biblical guidelines to this subject.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Most Christians I know would say if ya wouldn’t do in front of grandma don’t do it. My personal advice would be to wait until you and your significant other are both ready for things. If you are afraid that you will go to far then restrain yourselves to light kisses and handholding, but please be responsible no matter what and be prepared. Sometimes you believe you can control your urges, thats how woops babies happen so keep a condom or use birth control. or better yet don’t be alone together.
July 10th, 2010 at 8:41 am
I take it you’re looking for Biblical answers? Good for you Let me see if I can help. This is a long answer, but it pretty thoroughly covers all the questions.
How far can you go without a marriage licence? It would be really nice if the Bible said "with thy lips together thou may kiss, but with thy lips parted thou shalt not kiss" or "above the waist you shall touch freely, but below the waist you shall not touch."
Because such detailed limits are not given some will suggest that God does not care if we slip a hand under a blouse, up a skirt, or into a pair of pants. It is increasingly common for Christians to believe, and even teach others, that as long as the penis does not enter the vagina, it’s "not sex."
Why didn’t God spell it out for us in the Bible? Actually we think He did, but because we are products of the society we live in we don’t see it. Up until very recently it was commonly accepted that stimulating the breasts or genitals directly or indirectly WAS SEX. In the days before reliable birth control many prostitutes made a living doing everything but intercourse. So when Paul says "Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her?" (1 Co 16a NKJV) those who read it would not have thought he was referring only to intercourse, but to any and all of the ways a prostitute of the day would pleasure a man. Even married couples might regularly resort to sex without intercourse in order to not conceive. So perhaps our failure to understand that things like oral sex and petting to orgasm are unacceptable outside of marriage is our fault, not God’s.
It’s our fault, not God’s, that we don’t understand. We will begin by making a few of the Biblical cases against premarital sex and "playing around." Then will look at some scientific and experience based reasons why it’s a very bad plan to push sexual boundaries.
In the seventh chapter of first Corinthians, Paul says a lot about sex and marriage. He begins by saying it’s good for a man to "not touch" a woman. Paul knew those who were unmarried could better server the Lord, and wanted those who could abstain to not marry. But look at the word Paul used – "touch". The same Greek word is used repeatedly when Jesus touched people to heal them, and it means "to fasten one’s self to, adhere to, cling to". The word is intimate, but not inherently sexual. It sure seems that Paul was concerned about more than just sexual intercourse – he seems to be excluding all intimate contact between unmarried men and women.
In verse 2 Paul says that we should marry in order to avoid "fornication." The Greek word there is "Porneia," and it means far more than the English word fornication. The best translation would be "immoral sexuality" and this would include adultery, premarital sex, homosexuality, and even bestiality. Paul’s solution for dealing with sexual desires was to get married and have sex (a LOT of sex actually). Given his desire to see folks not marry, this is significant. If some sort of "foreplay to orgasm" could deal with a persons sexual needs and leave them unmarried, don’t you think Paul would have advocated it? But in addition to the fact that this behavior is wrong, it leads to, rather than prevents, marriage.
The only Biblical solution for sexual needs is marriage. Finally, let’s jump down to verse 36-38, where Paul talks about a man and "his virgin." Some have said these verses are about a man’s virgin daughter, others say it’s about a man who is betrothed to a virgin, but not yet married. Verse 38 can be read either way Consider that in verse 36 we have a question about the man "behaving improperly" towards the virgin. If we dig into the Greek roots for the word translated as "behaving improperly" we see it can mean "indecent." We also read about "need" in verse 36, and the man’s self control in verse 37. All of these show that the issue is the man’s self control over his own sexuality, and this would mean the verses are about a man who has chosen a wife, but has not yet married. Again, the only solution offered for sexual needs is marriage. Clearly Paul did not think it was acceptable to have sex, any kind of sex, just because a couple was engaged.
Still, how do we draw a Godly line about what we can and can not do with a man or woman to whom we are not married? Read that question again – "to whom we are not married." If a married man, rubbed on the crotch of a woman’s jeans other than his wife, would it be sin? Is it likely the wife would say "It’s okay, it’s not sex"? And if the wife performed oral sex on some man other than her husband, would he be wrong to be upset because "it’s not sex?" Clearly these examples are cases of sexual sin! If it’s sexual sin for a married person to do these things with another, then how can it not be sexual, or not be sin, for two single people to do these things? Why would it be alright to do these things with anyone we feel close to while we are single, but not after we marry?
Sex clouds our ability to make intelligent, rational decisions. The idea that necking, petting, and oral sex are not "really sex" can also be dispelled by looking at the biology of sex. Sexual interaction has profound effects on our bodies and minds. Sexual arousal causes our bodies to increase production of pheromones (think air borne hormones) from the upper lip, the underarms, and the genitals in both men and women, and the navel and aureole (the area around the nipple) in women. These pheromones are so powerful that 20 minutes of exposure to a man’s pheromones can alter a woman’s menstrual cycle. Exposure to sexual pheromones effects how we think and feel about the person we are with, causing us to bond with them. In marriage this sex induced bonding is a good thing, but outside of marriage it can be a very bad thing. Sex, including sexual contact far short of intercourse, clouds our ability to make intelligent, rational decisions about the person we are being sexual with. Sexual contact causes us to feel closer to the person we are sexual with, and this can and does result in marriages that are doomed to fail. It is better and wiser to make life long decisions about marriage without sex making it impossible to see and think clearly.
Setting all of that above aside for a moment, the best reason we give for a single person to say away from anything even remotely sexual is because we have seen the results of sexual contact before marriage.
Each new partner leaves more marks on our sexuality. Our sexuality is like a white board – but we write on it with permanent markers. All of the sexual messages we get from our culture make marks on that white board, but because of how God created us the things we experience while highly aroused make larger marks, and the things we experience along with orgasm make the very largest of marks. Again, this is a good thing in marriage – what we do with our spouse gets written down and becomes a part of what we want, expect, and enjoy. But what if we have sexual contact with several individuals before we marry? The first person we are with leaves a lot of marks on us, and we want and expect sex to be however it was with them. Each new partner leaves more marks on us. Soon our white board is unreadable, and our sexual expectations and desires are a mess.
What if the person you marry can’t do that "special thing" a former partner did? What if your spouse can’t do something you like as well as the last person you were sexual with? What if you have come to enjoy and be aroused by the way a certain partner’s body part looked or felt, and your spouse does not look or feel this way? What if the man or woman you marry finds something you have come to enjoy and want to be gross? Or what if they "need" something that you don’t like because of a bad experience with another person?
What if you wait until you are sure you are with the one you are going to marry? This avoids some of the problems, but not all of them. Unmarried couples don’t have the same regular contact and opportunities that married couples have, and this means their sex life will not be the same as it will be when the do marry. There is the problem of habituation – becoming so used to doing something a certain way that you can’t do it any other way. As an extreme example, one couple we’ve talked with engaged in "dry humping" to mutual orgasm before marriage. When they did marry they found very little enjoyment in being naked together, and both of them found it difficult to be aroused or orgasm during intercourse. The had become so used to the only kind of sex they knew that intercourse was difficult and not enjoyable.
But the dangers of sexual contact before marriage with the one we marry go far beyond setting up patterns. Talk to 100 women who "messed around" before marriage a year after the wedding and at least 95% will say they wish they had not done it. In theory these women should be able to repent and go on, but in practice it usually results in guilt, resentment, and sexual difficulties. Couples married for many years often trace long term sexual problems to the fact that they did not wait till after the wedding to become sexual.
Women who felt coerced say …
Premarital sex cause guilt, resentment, and marital sexual problems for women. We think a major part of this is that most women really don’t want to be sexual before they marry. Sure, their bodies are pushing them for it, and they may get some pleasure out of it (although many do not), but most of them know deep down inside that it’s just not righ