They basically blame me for them not having a relationship with their son. I have never kept my husband from his family. He will not go around them because of how they have treated me. They have bad mouthed me, criticized me, called me names I don’t even want to repeat, and so on. They have involved my mother in the arguments and even went so low as the day of my hubby’s surgery to call and cause problems while I was waiting for him to get done. I really am struggling with this and I have read scriptures and know that you are to turn your cheek, 70×7, etc. and I know all of this but I would really like to fix all these problems so that we can have a relationship with them and they are refusing to do so. We have sat down and talked numerous times and it isn’t working. I would really appreciate some guidance as to how to handle this problem. Please help!!
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December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
do something special for them
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
After you’ve turned your cheek 490 times, then you can kill them I believe.
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Buy an ak47. Go to the house. KILL ‘EM ALL!!!!
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Do you really want to get involved with such small minded people who can’t accept their sons grown up?
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
try family counselling
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
The only way to get them to come around is to shut them out permanently. If they truly have his best interests at heart and love him, they will come around and treat you with the respect that they think they deserve, otherwise, it is no love loss….Sounds crude, but it’s true.
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Try to Win their love, help with the housework, or buy gifts or help them out ectra. Prove it with actions and try to avoid conversations.
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Your husbands family is so dysfunctional it is beyond your ability to deal with. The best thing to do is remain lovingly detached. Love them from a distance. There is nothing in the Bible demanding that you like everybody, so you should stop feeling guilty for having the in-laws from hell.
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Pray~
what can be more powerful than that?
Love, maybe.
but you have already shown love by still wanting to have a relationship with them after all they have done.
so, pray.
and you shall be enlightened by God as to what the best thing to do is.
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
You can pick your friends but you can’t pick you relatives. That means you don’t have to like or love your relatives. If they weren’t your relatives, would you have picked them to be your relatives? NO. So leave them alone. You can’t always "fix" things. Plus, I can’t tell from your writing what the specifics are. You gloss over them. Maybe if you listed some of the things they called you, it might give us a clue. Like do they say you are "selfish". Then we could explore why they think you are selfish. I would try to go to some modern day counseling rather then get advice from an old book that was based on society that was patriarchal and agrarian and thousands of years old.
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
You can’t force someone to like you. The best thing to do is to avoid them the best you can and continue to live your life.
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Beloved,
The joy of the Lord is your strength! Be strong in Christ for you are more than a conquerer of ANYTHING. As Christians we will face persecution, cursing, criticism, name calling, and all that. But what we have is the love of Christ. That’s the difference. I Corinthians 4:12 says that we should bless those that curse us, endure the persecutions, answer kindly when we are slandered. This is what bruises the enemy’s head. You must realize that your in-laws are not your enemy. Satan who is working through their actions is your one and only enemy. You are the righteous seed of God, You are God’s daughter, a daughter of the King. I know that in our flesh, it’s hard not to slap some people up and down the street, but that’s why we have to build up our spirits and encompass our hearts and minds with the Word of God so that when the enemy comes in like a flood (your in-laws acting a mess) God will raise up a standard in you against it.
Beloved, also know that we are here as Christians to witness Christ’s love to everyone. When we love in spite of what people do or say, they don’t understand that because they are of the world. But beloved, love draws. And God has the assignment on your life to bring your family to Christ. Think of Ruth and Naomi. Because Naomi showed Ruth LOVE, Ruth was drawn to her, her country, and her God. And King David was Ruth’s grandson, and she was also an ancestor of Christ. You never know how God wants to use someone, it’s just our job to love them in spite. That don’t mean you can’t get in your prayer closet and talk about them to God and vent to Him, but to them just love. Also your husband wants to stand up for you, which is honorable, but by you showing love to his family that persecutes you, you’re building him up as well. Marriage is a merger of families, not just two people. Don’t just consider them your husband’s family, they are your own. Their blood will run through your children’s bodies. Treat them how you want to be treated, even if they don’t treat you with love, you are showing them how to do so. Don’t be fake, but ask God to give you a love, a sincere love for your family. Through your love, one might be saved! Hallelujah! God Bless you! And I will be praying that all Christians learn to love again. Not just you, but all of us need help in this area!
God Bless you my sister
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Hi, This sounds like it need daily prayer. But you know the Lord said, for us to even love our enemies, so what do you think the Lord expects from you? We are to treat them with loving care and show them our Godly love as much as we can. I know it’s not always easy, but this is why we pray and allow God to work this in us. We cannot do it on our own., but we know that the Lord can do all things as it be his will. I particularly don’t think your husband should not visit them. That is just you do me, I will do you kind os personality. If they don’t want me around, ok. But I would pray for the relationship constantly beseeching the Lord for strength and help. The Lord expects you to be nice to them, even thou they are not very nice to you. The bible says, a kind answer turneth away wrath. I am paraphrasing, but I know this is basically what the Lord meant. keep praying about the whole situation. God is patient, so he may take a while, but he know how much we can bare the furnace. Also, you can go to these 2 very faithful websites. Search and ask for free materials and cd’s. I will keep you in my prayers. Just remember, we are to act and treat people with love and respect, because this is what the Lord expects of us. Do it for Jesus sake, not yours. you belong to him, so always keep him in mine. Also, we are to witness to any and everyone we can, even people who seem like that don’t like us.
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
We are not suppose to have intimacy with unbelievers:
Be ye not unequally yoked(i.e.intimate) together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 Cor 6:14
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,
2 Cor 6:17
Because of the very reason that they have nothing in common with righteousness, nor light.
We also as followers of Christ, called Christians, are to do all things without complaining and arguing, that we may be blameless and harmless, the children of God, in the midst of a crooked and perverse world:
Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;
Phil 2:14-15
Christ tells us to agree with our adversaries quickly while we are in the way with them; which is to say, We are to take the wrong and forgive: This is the cross, and the law of Christ, which is for us to carry other´s load or cargo.
Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him;
Matt 5:25
Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
Gal 6:2
Being misunderstood and mistreated in this present evil world should not be of any amazement to us, seeing Christ told us, that if we truly do follow Him, we shall be persecuted; which is not an option, nor any maybe or perhaps in it; but we shall be as He was also.
If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
John 15:20
Below are a few more things we must know and realize as followers of the Lord Jesus Christ:
For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;
Phil 1:29
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
2 Cor 4:17-18
For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
2 Cor 1:5
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings;
1 Peter 4:12-13
Casting all your care(anxiety) upon him; for he careth for you.
1 Peter 5:7
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.
1 Peter 5:8-10
In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33
December 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
obviously they don’t like you so why are you forcing yourself on them ?
they have made it clear they don’t want a relationship with you so stay away from them and let your husband visit on his own if he can stand them.